I have an addiction
by Clint Hosman on August 12th, 2007
I came home from a ride dressed only in my spandex shorts and half unzipped Evomo jersey, opening the door I saw my wife in tears on the coach. A TV crew filmed her every move but immediately shifted their attention to capturing my udder bewilderment. Seated next to her was some over done sissy guy who had obviously never been on a bike with the exception of his Hollywood spin class. “Do you have anything to say” lisped the over tanned man-boy “We are from the TV show Cheaters, we know all about of your affair.”
My mind rocketed backward through time checking and rechecking my thoughts and actions. Even making sure that some of my thoughts, Asian threesome, had never left the protected space between my ears and became a groggy drunken reality. Nothing…I was clean of any impropriety. “I am a faithful married man” I answered indignantly” I have never cheated on my wife. I mean sure I look great in my Evomo threads and yes I do occasionally get hit with women’s underwear while riding but I have never cracked under the pressure.” “O really?” said the Seacrest wannabe. “Roll the tape.” Suddenly there was a TV screen shoved in front of my face.
I watch footage of myself riding bikes every where, my road route, the trail head, to get the mail, in the bathroom, at the shops talking about riding, sneaking out of the book store with a black bag to hide the fact that I just purchased 34 bike magazines! I suddenly had flashbacks from the last week. Creepy men in vans following me everywhere, taking my picture, digging through my trash. I thought it was because I am such a handsome and exciting pro-mountain biker. I felt betrayed and was about to protest. But then, the worst part, video tape of me riding my favorite section of trail played over and over and over and over again.
“Enough” I yelled “stop playing her in a loop like that; she is far too special to have that done to her.” “That’s the thing” said my wife “that’s not a loop, you rode that ten times in a row the night you where late for our anniversary dinner.” That’s when I realized…I have an addiction…and I needed a divorce.
August 13th, 2007 at 7:45 am
Im A promotor of sorts, and felt this is A compelling story. In short we want to make A new reality TV series based on you and your Bike Fetish.
August 13th, 2007 at 8:11 am
Its a good thing that bikes dont have any exposed holes…A mate?
August 13th, 2007 at 8:48 am
what was that about an asian threesome…. please tell me more.
August 15th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Well Bryan my depth of knowledge on the subject goes as far as a monogamous relationship with a white girl from Arizona. So while I would like to tell you more …..I can’t.