Interbike is like the Super Bowl
by Sedrik Vomir on September 26th, 2007
Just in case you are wondering what Interbike is exactly, well its a massive orgy of cycling products and companies convening on the uber-infamous sin-city, Las Vegas, Nevada. I say its like the Super Bowl because in our little world its the biggest thing that goes down all year and not everyone gets to go. In this case, you cant even watch it on TV, but all of bike geeks with day jobs and access to the internet hover around our glowing screens reading post after post in blogs like Sick Lines, Mountain Bike Riders, MTBR and twentyNineInches.com. Plus, just like the Super Bowl you can even see nipple but much better quality.
We wait and wait for September to come in order to see all the cool carbon parts, awesome bikes and of course booth babes which always spark controversy on the mtbr forums. That always makes me laugh, cause its just photos of really attractive women who work for bike companies. Most are not even that scantly clad, but there are always a couple dorks out there who geek out over some carbon-titanium bottom bracket and then as soon as someone posts some Marzocchi Bomber girl they post some shit about being “offended”. What they are offended about is the picture wasn’t of a bike… come on dudes, stop playing programing your website blog, turn off the Warcraft game , get a life and actually go ride your bike.
I have been to Interbike exactly 2 times. This year I doubt I will make it out for a third, but I don’t mind really considering I have been to Vegas approximately 7 times this year already for various bachelor parties. Despite what anyone says, there is such thing as too much of a good thing. To give you an idea of what the Interbike is like I will summarize my last experience for you…
Coming from Los Angeles, its dirt cheap to fly so I plunked down $115 for a round trip ticket on Southwest from Burbank to Las Vegas. Its only a 55 minute or so flight and even with getting there 45 minutes before the flight, its still quicker than driving. Besides with gas prices the way they are you would probably spend $300 in gas alone. A trip to Vegas requires only a backpack with some extra underwear and some Evomo shirts. Of course some toiletries and my cell phone fuly charged. Once you roll into Vegas, hit the hotel, cool off and I like a bit of a nap to get myself ready for a long night.
The dorky thing about Interbike and all conventions are the expo badges that everyone has around their neck when they are NOT in the convention. Personally when I am on the floor at a convention, I find them very useful. For those of you who like to wear the badges on your jeans or clipped to the hem of your shirt so that you can think you are hip and cool -well you are not. You are a dork and I want to punch you in the face.
Basically, besides all the dorks and their badges, you have bad fluorescent lighting, lots of noise and you have super dry air conditioned air with around 20,000+ peoples germs circulating around you. By the end of the day, you will have shaken hands with almost 10,000 of those people indirectly. This is because for every one person you shake hands with, they will have shaken hands with 50 other people that hour so do the math bro. At some point you will have picked your nose or rubbed your eye and thus increased your chances for sickness by 1000%. You know, if I just stayed at the local strip club, I would have less of a chance of catching something…. really!
I think I am getting off topic. Interbike… its a lot of bikes and shit. Amazing really. There is too much to absorb in 3 days let alone 1 day. Its always cool to see what the cool new shit is… whats carbon, whats titanium, what wheel sets are less than 1300 grams… all that! I dig it, I really do. As you are walking the floor, inevitably you will come across a seriously bad-ass sick bike. It will be your dream bike, the perfect color, the right components and the price, well lets say its as much as a 2001 Ford Explorer XLT with 76,000 miles. Man, thats expensive! Its a bike, a bloody bike that you have to pedal!
So I leave the show with a plastic bag full of catalogs, stickers and beer cozys and at the end of the day my shins and feet are shot and so is my voice… but he its not like I am going to be standing while I am getting a lap dance or even talking to the half naked 23 year old future Mrs. Sedrik Vomir, now am I! So I head back to the room and toss my bag of dead trees and non-recyclable propaganda on the floor and flop down on the bed to watch some reruns of Charmed. (I love that show especially since Rose McGowan was added… hot!) Oh and by the way, don’t ever lay on the comforter… my friend Greg told me that the hotels don’t wash them so there is typically all kinds of dried body fluids you can see on them. Bad news dudes!
So after a nap and some dreaming about some sweet single track bombing runs its time for some dinner and a few beers. Me and a few guys always end up somewhere we shouldn’t be. Its not that I mind, because typically I have had a few beers and I will be in the company of half naked women. Typically the cycling gods will speak to you at some point during this drunken whore fest at some all nude bar in northern Las Vegas. They will say something like:
“Sed, bro, you really ought to get one of those ‘expensive bike name goes here’. Come on - you deserve it man. Yeah you do, oh and look at that red head over there, she wants you to have it too. Oh here she comes. No. Dont look at her boobs… think about that sweet single track in Tahoe where you could flow that new expensive bike until sunset everyday or at least until you ran out of money and had no place to stay. Well, yeah its a lot of money just for a bike… um no, Evomo will not buy it for you… nice try. Umm, yes - you should get a lap dance from her. Evomo? Well actually yes, Evomo will pay for your lap dance, but only the first two…”
So you see, after a long day or many long days of bike candy and one or two nights of being out too late things go through my head and I become almost delirious. This why I can not go to interbike this year. I need to stay strong with my rehab. NO MORE BIKES. 6 BIKES IS ENOUGH.
